Vee is on a forced mental health hiatus until 16th June. See you then!

Review of Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

by - May 29, 2018

Series: Harry Potter #3
Genres: Fantasy, Magic
Pages: 462
Release Date: 08/06/1999
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When the Knight Bus crashes through the darkness and screeches to a halt in front of him, it's the start of another far from ordinary year at Hogwarts for Harry Potter. Sirius Black, escaped mass-murderer and follower of Lord Voldemort, is on the run - and they say he is coming after Harry. In his first ever Divination class, Professor Trelawney sees an omen of death in Harry's tea leaves... But perhaps most terrifying of all are the Dementors patrolling the school grounds, with their soul-sucking kiss... 

I chose to rate this one lower because to be honest it was a bit of a mess and then the ending was basically "now this person has arrived!". The time-turner was genius but made me realise just how much Hermione was basically written as "likes studying" and little else. She needs some serious character development.

I can't write a 'proper' review of Harry Potter. I'm 26, so when Harry Potter was released I was right at the age it was marketed towards. I remember starting to notice the hype around Harry Potter when the third book was released (I was 8) and I bought all three books for my holiday. I didn't have a great childhood to be honest and these books were very much my escape. I would beg and beg to get a copy on the release date and my Gran would literally have to fight crowds to get them, I've never seen so much hype around any other book since. So basically, I can't review something that was my entire childhood - here's everything I loved during this re-read (the rating for this one is lower, explained above) instead (also I'm presuming that you've read the book, so potential spoilers) 

  • Just how jealous I am that Harry got an essay titled "Witch-Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless - discuss." because I already have an ENTIRE PAGE I could write about that.
  • "Wendelin the Weird enjoyed burning so much that she allowed herself to be caught no fewer than forty-seven times in various disguises."
  • Harry picking the lock to his cupboard which must have meant that Fred and George taught him, a scene I desperately need to read.
  • The Weasleys going on holiday was just adorable.
  • The pocket sneakoscope lighting up and me screeching "IT'S THE GODDAMN RAT" only every single time
  • "Harry followed Tom up a handsome wooden staircase..." I've literally never seen a staircase described as handsome before but I feel like if Gaston was turned into the Beast's furniture this would be him right?
  • P.S. After reading Harry's future thoughts about Tom and his handsomeness I can only conclude that the wooden staircase was some sort of euphemism...
  • P.P.S. I'm making a dick joke 
  • Harry's mirror throwing shade at his general appearance
  • The Monster Book Of Monsters in the cage basically recreating Robot Wars in paper
  • Just Crookshanks in general 
  • "Percy, however, held out his hand solemnly as though he and Harry had never met and said, 'Harry. How nice to see you.' 'Hello, Percy,' said Harry, trying not to laugh. 'I hope you're well?' said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather like being introduced to the mayor. 'Very well, thanks -' 'Harry!' said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. 'Simply spendid to see you old boy -' 'Marvellous,' said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. 'Absolutely spiffing.' Percy scowled. 'Mum!' said Fred, as though he'd only just spotted her, and seized her hand, too. 'How really corking to see you-' 'I said, that's enough,' said Mrs Weasley."
  • The use of said is way overdone in these books but I can forgive.
  • 'Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.'
  • "He hardly heard what Professor McGonagall was telling them about Animagi (wizards who could transform at will into animals)" Harry how the fuck do you catch a snitch you can't see what's right in front of your stupid face most days
  • Professor McGonagall getting miffed because no-one applauded when she turned into a cat
  • Snape getting the entire class to learn about werewolves because he's a shady bitch
  • Diggory wanting a rematch after he realised that Harry fell because he's a precious bean and deserves many blankets
  • Dumbledore wearing a large pointed witches hat topped with a stuffed vulture because he just bloody loves hats
  • 'Professor Severus Snape, master of this school' Snape hun you're getting ahead of yourself a little bit
  • Hermione straight up smacking Draco in the face
  • Hermione saying everything shrilly
  • 'YOU CHEATING SCUM!' Lee Jordan was howling into the megaphone, dancing out of Professor McGonagall's reach. 'YOU FILTHY, CHEATING B-' Professor McGonagall didn't even bother to tell him off."  wow strongest word in Potter yet
  • Professor McGonagall sobbing over a Quidditch match win and wiping her eyes on an enormous Griffindor flag
  • the giant squid in general
  • Dumbledore on Trelawney 'That brings her total number of predictions up to two.' and Harry NEVER BOTHERING TO ASK WHAT THE FIRST ONE WAS

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